March by Professor Cox

Welcome to March's edition of the LFE Blog. I've been very busy since I last saw you dashing here and dashing there to various glamorous events. Highs include the All Walks Beyond the Catwalk launch, a much needed campaign to get more realistically shaped models on the fashion runway - and with that I can only agree wholeheartedly, the lowest has to be Katie Price’s book launch at Selfridges where she kept the crowd waiting three hours before she appeared with her tanned transvestite friends.

At Price’s launch, there was no glamour just an air of cheap tawdriness. If she would only read my book How To Be Adored (Quadrille £12.99) she could do no worse than turning to the section pithily entitled: Don’t Look Like a Celebrity, Look Like a Star!

She would find that I believe that the difference between a celebrity and a star is obvious. A true star doesn't need to look as if she’s tried too much (even if hours have been spent to achieve that effect). Paris Hilton is a celebrity, Kim Novak is a star. Pricey should follow these basic rules:

• Never show cleavage and legs at the same time. If a hint of breast is on display, your legs should be covered. Pamela Anderson always shows both and she is clearly a celebrity as a result.
• Just one word, tanorexia. Having day-glo orange skin is never glamorous. You should remain as God intended or go for a Californian sun-kissed look like Grace Kelly.
• No hair extensions.
• Never go out without wearing panties. The only person who can get away with this is Marilyn Monroe.
• Don’t swig out of a bottle or a can – your drink should always be in a glass, hopefully with an olive. Do not over-indulge, that is for glamour model wannabes on cheap package holidays to Playa de las Americas. It is also not glamorous to eat the Tequila worm.
• Don’t be caught smoking on camera unless the cigarette is in a holder (see Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s).
• No open-mouthed kissing in public.
• Only smooch other girls if you mean it.
• A lady never kisses n’ tells.
• Never date a footballer, they may be as rich as Croesus but they will make you look cheap.

At all do’s I meet lots of celebs and here's a tip - they encounter so many people every day that they can't remember faces. Go up to 'em, put out your hand, smile brightly and say, 'Kate / Erin / Brad, it's so lovely to see you again!' They will automatically greet you like a long lost friend!' I played this trick on Stuart Rose, boss of Marks and Sparks at the All Walks party and he entered into a conversation with me with practiced charm. It also worked with supermodel Erin O'Connor, Georgia Jagger (just been voted Model of the Year) and Michelle Ryan, who is stunningly beautiful in reality.

Keep ‘em peeled and happy swapping!
Caroline